Why, O why, am I so filled with slutty desires?

Sometimes I just want to be beaten, not for any sexual reason but because I feel I deserve it…to be beaten for just being and feeling all wrong.  It is as well that I feel the need for punishment because, in truth, I really do deserve it.  Who could trust in someone like me?  Am I even a person at all?  I do not do these things as much any more….and I am not even sure why that is so…

My desires run to rooms full of men, women, transexuals, all wanting to fill me, to beat me, to humiliate me….to just have one cock after another entering me, ejaculating into me….my body just a thing.

I am become object

Unworthy

I am become object,

Anyone’s, yours perhaps

For the taking.

 

I am become object

Love without being

Body without form

Life without life

Writhing thing on another’s floor

Whore-form boy

Yours, perhaps

For the taking.

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Dealing with a Vanilla Past

This is a really thoughtful post.  I think there is a lot we do not reflect on.  My own view of my masochism etc. is that it saved me from a fate far worse.  It is strange to think of our rehearsed pain scenarios that way, but the idea fits well with the suggestion that Tiger makes that everyone lives a bit this way.  All our lives run in familiar valleys…to keep moving them hurts a lot.  The scenarios we masochists and submissives cook up actually bring these things to light, making them apparent.  Of course, underneath, we simmer with a lot of different things.

Source: Dealing with a Vanilla Past

Twenty kinky questions to kick off the year

Source: Twenty kinky questions to kick off the year

Check out Lexi’s questions.

Here are my answers:
1. Would you rather be blindfolded or blindfold me? Like Lexi, I would prefer to be blindfolded…but it does scare me.

2. Would you rather orgasm while performing oral or during intercourse?  I prefer not to orgasm.

3. What was your high school sex fantasy? To be beaten.

4. What’s your favourite position? Lexi says (and I cannot do better): “On my knees before my dominant, with my head resting against their knees.”

5.  Which part of your body do you consider the most sexy? I like my butt.

6.  Do you like to swallow? Yes.  And when Lexi asks do I keep it or swallow straight away, I think I would probably swallow straight away.

7.  Who do you fantasise about when you’re alone? Lexi says (and I pretty much agree with her): “Usually there are scenarios of power play, involving bondage, hypnosis, mind control that kind of thing. There are a few other scenarios that evolve more in the direction of humiliation type stuff. It really depends on what I am in the mood for, what my mind conjures and if I am watching erotic then what kind of site i am visiting.”

8. Your last sexual encounter; good or bad and why?  OK – it was with a transexual, very beautiful, too beautiful for me.  She fucked me, and it was ok.

9. Where is one place you would never have sex? A lot of places. Lexi says “The first place that came to mind was a church. It just seem sacrilegious to me. Not just because I was raised Roman Catholic, it just seems entirely poor manners. It is just so wrong on so many levels. Just no”  I would not do it in church either.

10. Do you identify as Top or bottom?  Like Lexi, I am a bottom.  I am also a kind of pain-slut.

11.  Best sexual complement you ever got? My vibrator.  If she means compliment then it was being told that I am a good sub.

12. When was the first time you masturbated? I am not sure, and like Lexi, it was a long time ago.

13.  Have/would you ever have sex outside?  I have, but I don’t like it. I nearly got caught sucking another guy’s cock when I was young….embarrassing for both of us.

14. Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything? My true love.  Yes. of course it does.

15.  Do you sleep in pyjamas, underwear, or nothing at all? I like to have a shirt, but no underwear.

16.  If you had a sexual “to-do” list, what would be on top of the list? To be entered as many times as possible. I would love to be taken by a room full of men or transgendered people.  One after the other.

17. Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal breaker? Lexi says (and I agree): “No not at all. Why would someone who is in the throws of passion, whom with you may have a shared experience all of a sudden a deal breaker. Heck if it is bothering you, there are hoods and blindfolds”

18. Do you have a gag reflex? Sure, but I try to control it.  I want to take the whole cock if I can.

19. Is your sex life award-winning or a total flop? Lexi says (and I kinda agree): “Hah, neither of the two, although some others might disagree. But I doubt there will be many great songs being sung or in lamentation to my sex life. I am quite content with that part as it is at the moment, thank you very much.”

20. Are piercings sexy? Lexi likes them…. and so do I.

Anal Submission

The joys of Anal sex

I love anal sex. I am always what they call the “receptive” partner, never the “insertive” one. I desired anal sex before I knew how to enjoy it. My first experiences of anal sex were very painful. Without lube, it hurts a lot. Even so, even in my earliest days as a bottom, I loved it.

I used to love it when they ejaculated inside me. But then, for obvious reasons, I became afraid, and stopped doing it that way.

She did not quite believe it. Mostly, people wanted to dominate and use her, something to prove usually. “You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes.”

“And you do not want to fuck me?”

“No.”

She gestured to herself again, and smiled a little. “I fuck you.”

“Yes, you fuck me.” She smiled again, and I went to prepare and clean myself.

When I came back into the room, after showering, to my surprise, there was no delay, and she was already lying on her back on the bed, naked. My eye was drawn to her cock, swollen already. I slipped off my towel, and lay beside her. She touched my cock , as if she doubted me, expecting that after all, I would mount her. But I pushed her unresisting hand away. I kissed her arm gently. Then her breast. And then her arm again. And then I went to her feet, and kissed her toes, taking each in turn in my mouth. I looked up. Her cock was no longer merely swollen, but now, it was erect. I kissed the inside of her thighs. I brushed my finger-tips over her knees, and along her beautiful skin. With my mouth, I began to kiss her balls. The skin was crinkled, and had a slight scent of masculinity. With my fingers, I caressed her cock, pulsing as it was with blood.

“Can I kiss your cock?”

She murmured softly.

I began to kiss the shaft of her cock, and ran my tongue along its beautiful length. There was a drop of clear pre-cum already. I kissed it, and licked it. Then I took the length of her cock in my mouth. My entire body ached for her.

She was not really in the mood to delay. She rose up, onto her knees, and moved down the bed. She motioned for me to turn around. I raised myself onto my knees, and faced away from her. From below, I saw her cock ready to enter me. But she paused, and said, “Condom.”

“Good thinking,” I said. I realised with a shock that I would have let her enter me without one. She slipped on a black, ribbed condom, and in that way that we do, she was slowly masturbating her cock to make it very hard, and using a little lube, just ahead of entering me.

“Does that hurt? Is that ok?”

The head had entered. I was very relaxed. “It is fine. But take it slow.”

She put it in a little more. “Is it ok?”

“Yes, it is beautiful.”

And then she pushed it ever so gently all the way in. That moment is always the most gorgeous. That small shock of being filled completely always thrilled me.

Slowly she gained confidence. She pushed me down flat onto the bed. “Lie down”

I was flat on my stomach, and I noticed that her hands, both hands, were pressing down just above my bottom. She began to fuck me, slowly and gently at first. Then she gathered pace. Soon she was giving it to me as hard as she could. I was gasping for air.

“Turn over now.” She had withdrawn her cock. I turned onto my back, and raised my legs, opening myself to her. She pushed my legs back further, and then with one hand she steered her cock into me again. Now I was looking up into her beautiful eyes, and she rammed me over and over again, meeting my gaze.

After what seems like an hour, but was probably only ten minutes, she slid off me, and turned onto her side to face me. I lay still, embracing her.

Her erection slowly wilted as we chatted. I thought she was finished with me.   But then she said, “I want to fuck you again. Is that ok?”

Yes it was ok. It was better than ok. It was generous and beautiful.